⚓Fear vs. faith and a coaching model

I would like to view myself more the way God views me. Because I believe that my view underestimates myself, whereas his makes me better prepared to live up to my full potential. If I discard my fear and insecurity when facing a challenging situation, and I remind myself of biblical truths, then I am in a better position to have his view of me.

‘Do not fear’ is the most frequent command in the Bible. Fear is a fascinating phenomenon. It can be a natural response when experiencing uncertainty or danger. Didn’t even Jesus himself experience fear  before his betrayal, arrest, and crucifixion?

‘And being in agony [deeply distressed and anguished; almost to the point of death], he prayed more intently; and his sweat became like drops of blood, falling down on the ground.’ (Luke 22:44, AMP)

When the Bible says ‘Do not fear’, I don’t believe it is telling us to ignore our situation. Amongst others, the Psalms, the book of Lamentations, and the accounts of Jesus and Paul include many references to processing difficult emotions. Identifying, naming and feeling these and wrestling with my fears before God has actually helped me release them and find unexpected freedom and new hope. Bible verses that challenge us to not be afraid are often followed by a reminder that we are not alone. If God is our father, we can rely on His presence with us whether we are staying, leaving, or simply holding on one day or situation at a time in challenging seasons:

‘Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.’ (Isaiah 41:10, NLT)

‘This is my command – be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.’ (Joshua 1:9)

I think God also asks us so many times not to fear because fear can hold us back. Why? Because it may make me focus on the difficult situation rather than God; it can make the circumstances seem bigger and myself smaller. If I allow that feeling to linger and/or to return continuously, it can foster a (possibly subconscious) belief in God’s and my own inferiority in relation to the difficult circumstances, which may lead me to an ineffective/unhelpful response or no action.

Instead, I want to ask God how he views me and my role in the situation, and to remind myself that he is neither afraid nor feels overwhelmed or insecure at any point. He constantly reminds me of his mind-blowingly high view of me in the Bible, for example:

‘In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.’ (Romans 8:37, NIV)

‘Thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.’ (2 Corinthians 2:14)

‘The righteous are as bold as a lion.’ (Proverbs 28:1b)

If I thus take on God’s view of myself (and himself), then this may lead to me feeling peace, strength, joy etc. I may then act and respond wisely and impactfully to the challenge, in the authority that God has given me.

‘Look, I have given you authority over all the power of the enemy.’ What a mind-blowing statement by Jesus in Luke 10:19a (NLT) 

Unless I am continually aware of this authority, I can hardly make the most impactful use of it. So, rather than living like this:

difficult feelings about challenge → lower view of myself and God in relation to it → ineffective/no response

may I live like this:

God’s view of myself and himself whilst facing a challenging situation → confidence and uplifting feelings → wise and impactful response.

How I view God and myself in a difficult circumstance informs how I feel and whether/how I will respond to the challenge.

What is your view of yourself and of God in what you are currently facing? How do you think God views you and your potential in it?

As I wrote all this down, I was reminded of a powerful coaching tool called CTFAR. It stands for

Circumstance → Thought → Feeling → Action →Result

This is a way of tracing how our mindset influences our outcomes. It was  developed by Brooke Castillo. I first came across this through Natalie Hoffman, who also uses it a lot in her support of survivors of domestic abuse.

Here’s how you can use it:

  1. Start with your current situation. Write it out top to bottom as C → T → F → A → R. For example:
  • C (Circumstance): My child is yelling, refusing to listen, and pushing boundaries.
  • T (Thought): “I can’t handle this. I’m a bad parent.”
  • F (Feeling): Frustration, shame, helplessness.
  • A (Action): React harshly, shut down, or withdraw.
  • R (Result): The conflict escalates, my child feels disconnected, and I reinforce the belief that I am failing.

Then start at the bottom with the result you would love to see, and build upward. For example:

  • C (Circumstance): My child is yelling, refusing to listen, and pushing boundaries.
  • T (Thought): “God entrusted me with this child. He equips me with patience and wisdom.”
  • F (Feeling): Calm determination, hope, love.
  • A (Action): Take a deep breath, set clear but gentle boundaries, engage with empathy.
  • R (Result): The moment de-escalates, connection is preserved, and I affirm the truth that I can parent with God’s help.

The circumstance doesn’t change, but how you interpret and engage with it does.

How would your CTFAR look right now if you put down God’s view of you as the thought?